I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
