After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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