Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
