But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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