you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
