When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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