She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize