Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
