I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
