Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
