Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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