Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
