Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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