As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
