I showed him my bush... on skype.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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