Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
