Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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