I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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