I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
