I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
