Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
