Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
