clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
