we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
last night I used snow as a chaser
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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