She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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