EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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