And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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