saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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