Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
two words: eviction party
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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