the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's always time for handjobs
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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