Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
