I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
