You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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