i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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