I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
