i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize