just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
