Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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