FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
