Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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