So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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