Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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