I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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