Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have already put on my inside pants.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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