There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
