Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
