I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
