I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
