he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
