Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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