I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize