wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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