I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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