when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
