I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
