Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
