Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize