That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
