every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
