Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize