I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
