im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
