I cockslap morals
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize