Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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