I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
