I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All I want is dick and wine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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