I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
